So, first and foremost, I hope you’re ready for a decently long blog. If not, go get a drink and snack now, ‘cause the shit show that is my life will probably make you laugh/cry/barf or all of the above.
We’ll start off with Friday, December 31st, 2010 - YES, New Years Eve.
I go downstairs to go to work. I cannot go to work in my car, I have a flat tire. I found this out, as I pulled away from my building. Okay.. no problem. I pulled over, and drove my mom’s car to work. I’ll fix the flat later.
After an alcohol filled NYE, and recovery on the 1st of January, I wound up not fixing the flat until after work on Sunday, January 2nd, 2011.
That night, I went to sleep early, because I was exhausted. Woke up just an hour and a half later and was not able to get back to sleep. It wouldn’t be such a big deal, if I didn’t get up for work at 3am.
Anyway, just as I make myself make a concerted effort to get the head to pillow around 11pm, I hear RRRRAAAAAGHHHHH CRASH RRRRUUUUUGGGGHHH CRASH outside my apartment building.
Long story short, there was a drunk driver that hit 2 of my neighbors parked trucks outside, missing my mother’s car completely. What a shit-stroke of luck.
…and it’s been all downhill for me from there.
I decided that since I take highways to work, I didn’t want to crawl all the way there, I’d see if Ma Dukes was okay with swapping, and letting me use her car. She was and so it was done. I get a call about 7:40am, from Ma Dukes telling me the donut is flat and she can’t get to work.
Shit. How the fuck does this happen?
So, she tells me that we have a travel air compressor that I can inflate the tire with. After 2 trips to 2 different storage units (both ours and my grandmothers) we do not have said air compressor. What will I do now? … I will go and buy one! So, it was done and we brought the car to a local used tire shop, got a new tire and all was right with the world again … or so I thought.
Fast forward to the next day - January 5th, 2011
In light of aforementioned accident I do not want to park my car in front of my apartment building anymore, for fear of the obvious. So, I parked in the parking lot behind the stores across the street the night before. I come out to my car to go to work, with a nice parking ticket slapped on the windshield - worth $75 - because I do not have a valid inspection. (For anyone who didn’t know, I can’t get my car inspected because the check engine light is on. My mechanic friend can’t diagnose the problem, hence the reason for getting a new car in the first place) … so, that was a nice treat for that morning.
However, my spirits won’t be broken because I get to go look at a potentially buy-able car today.. in the BRONX.
Now, if you live in NY, you know how utterly terrible driving in the Bronx is. There’s traffic everywhere, and the potential to really get in touch with yourself with a quiet ride, stuck, deadlocked on the Cross Bronx Expressway.
After finally getting there, taking the car for a drive (which is a little rough around the edges, but it’s a fucking Honda Prelude. I’ve loved Honda Preludes for a long while now) and thinking long and hard about it, I decided to purchase the car.
Now, I get to sit in traffic, around 5:15-5:30pm or so at 1 intersection for about 45 minutes trying to get back onto the Cross Bronx.. in a completely illegal vehicle.
Here’s where I used some more of my luck … I got separated from Derek in traffic. He took the Whitrestone Bridge, I took the Throggs Neck.
Sitting at the toll plaza for the bridge, a cop walks right past my newly purchased car, with NO stickers on it, and NO plate on the front. He didn’t even notice.
/whew … that was close.
Stop and go traffic from there, all the way through to the Northern State, normal shit, finally get back home, get dinner and head home.
Ma Dukes brings up “Hey, did you get a bill of sale?” .. OH MY FUCK. How did both me and Derek forget to get this thing? - So, the bright idea… FAX IT! Alright, we’re in business - or so I thought.
Skip to the next day. January 6th, 2011. -TODAY-
Leave work, on my way to Ma Duke at her place of employment and not 2 seconds after I make the left onto 112, Flashing Lights! OH BOY! What’d I do now?
After a discussion about my plates being suspended, and a panic trying to find my actual insurance card, I get 3 tickets and a court date of March 3rd, 2011.
Ticket 1 - Uninsured Motor Vehicle .. not worried about it, I know I have valid insurance.
Ticket 2 - Uninspected Motor Vehicle … gunna have to pay it, my inspection’s been up since June of ‘10
Ticket 3 - Suspended Registration - 1/9/10 Insurance Lapse … well, this is news to me, I thought I paid the civil penalty for that. Mother Fucker!
Most of this is my own goddamn stupidity… which I get, but really? Now? Okay… fine.
Get to Ma Dukes at her job, and I’m waiting for this guy to be at his office so we can fax this paperwork over to him.
HALF HOUR later, he’s finally there, fax the paperwork. - Wait another fucking HALF HOUR for him to fax it back because “I don’t know what to fill out.” … you read, no? Well, then what the flying fuck is the goddamn problem?
He faxes the paperwork back, and off we go to the DMV!
Get to the DMV, and it’s effing packed, I mean, we must have waited on line for a solid half hour, possibly 35-40 minutes.
Get to the window… and…
The DMV doesn’t want to take a faxed copy of Transaction form. They want a real 1st hand signature… BUT! There’s a ray of hope. They’ll take it, but ONLY if I pay taxes on the BOOK VALUE of the car. (not what I paid for it) … look up the BOOK VALUE - $3,450 - $5,000. AHEM, Guess what New York State…
I DON’T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!
I actually took money I had set aside, PLUS drained my bank accounts, PLUS borrowed a couple hundred off Ma Dukes to get the goddamn car .. so I’m left with next to nothing.
END RESULTS:
-I have to go back out to the Bronx to have this guy fill out the paperwork to avoid paying taxes on the book value of this car.
-I have a court date on March 3rd, 2011 to appear for the 3 tickets I recieved.
AND
-I have to pay the town $75 - a parking ticket for a non-inspected vehicle.
MOST OF WHICH HAPPENED TO ME BECAUSE OF MY OWN STUPIDITY.
Now, I dare any one of you to REFRAIN from calling me a fuck up.
Side Note:
I also believe in the universe balancing the good with the bad.
They say the universe has a tendency to unfold as it should.
-Meaning, if you’re a good person and karma sees that, then you’ll be rewarded. Be a dick, and it will come back around to get you when it will.
However, I haven’t seen that yet. I’ve seen myself use my “good luck” on things that could have potentially harmed, or killed me and I see bad (and stupid) things that happen to balance the use of good.
In this example, my mother’s car was undamaged in a situation where it probably should have been killed. - Hence what happens up until the “toll plaza incident”.
From there, the tickets/DMV shit happens.
… see what I mean?
